The “Let Them Theory,” popularized by Mel Robbins, has gained significant traction. As a listener of her podcasts, I appreciate the insights she often shares. At its core, this theory encourages us to step back from people-pleasing tendencies and prioritize our own well-being and authenticity. For instance, do we attend a draining social event out of obligation, or do we honor our needs while still supporting the person in a way that feels genuine for both?

As Christian women striving to live lives that honor God, this theory brings a significant question to the forefront: Where do we draw the line between setting healthy boundaries and potentially being unloving or disengaged? How do we discern if we are operating in God’s love or simply falling into the trap of people-pleasing?

Seeking Scriptural Wisdom: Love as Our Guiding Principle

To truly understand how to navigate this, we must turn to the ultimate source of truth: the Bible. Does God’s Word wholeheartedly endorse the “Let Them Theory,” or does it offer a more nuanced perspective? I believe it’s a blend of both. While Jesus’ actions weren’t driven by a desire for human approval, they were always, without exception, motivated by profound and unwavering love.

Examining Jesus’ Encounters: Did He Truly “Let Them”?

Let’s consider some key interactions in Jesus’ ministry:

Confronting the Pharisees: Standing Firm in Truth

When Jesus encountered the Pharisees, His primary goal wasn’t to win them over. He recognized their deep-seated opposition to Him and His message. Yet, this didn’t deter Him from speaking and acting according to God’s truth. He fearlessly condemned their hypocrisy and legalism (Mark 12:38-40, Luke 11:37-52), not to gain their favor, but to uphold righteousness. In this context, He seemingly “let them” cling to their negative opinions while steadfastly proclaiming truth.

Engaging with Nicodemus: Meeting Seekers with Understanding

In contrast, Jesus approached Nicodemus, a Pharisee genuinely seeking understanding, with patience and direct answers (John 3:1-21). He didn’t dismiss Nicodemus simply because of his religious affiliation. Instead, He met him where he was, offering profound spiritual truths with love and clarity. Here, while “letting him” come with his questions, Jesus actively engaged and guided him toward enlightenment.

Guiding His Disciples: Investing in Foundational Belief

When it came to His disciples, Jesus didn’t passively “let them” form their own conclusions about His identity. He actively prompted their understanding, asking, “Who do you say I am?” (Matthew 16:15). He consistently revealed His divine nature through miracles, parables, and teachings – not to manipulate their beliefs, but because their unwavering faith in Him as the Son of God was crucial for their future role in spreading the Gospel. In these vital relationships, He actively invested in their understanding.

The Practical Application: Living Out Love in Our Daily Interactions

So, how do these biblical examples shape our understanding and application of the “Let Them Theory” in our everyday lives?

The crucial takeaway is that our interactions should be consistently driven by love for God and for others, not by a desire for their approval.

Even when faced with opposition, misunderstanding, or even betrayal, our loving response isn’t about seeking validation. Just as Jesus extended love to Judas, knowing his intentions, our kindness shouldn’t be misconstrued as condoning harmful behavior. Instead, it should be a powerful testament to the Jesus within us, reflecting God’s own character to the world. While the world might label our selfless actions as foolish or unsustainable, God’s Word assures us that He renews our strength (Isaiah 40:31). We cannot truly love and serve others effectively without His enabling power.

Practical Steps for Living out God’s Love:

Here are two simple yet powerful steps we can take:

Step 1: Seeking Divine Strength for Actions Beyond Our Own 

For those situations where loving others feels impossible in our own strength, we must turn to prayer:

Simple Prayer: Lord, Your Word implores us to love. Right now, I feel incapable of loving in this situation on my own. Your Word declares that God is Love, and as Your child, I am a child of love. Please empower my actions to display Your love in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Step 2: Realigning Our Focus from People-Pleasing to God-Pleasing

When we recognize ourselves slipping into people-pleasing tendencies, we need to redirect our focus:

Simple Prayer: Lord, my life is meant to please You above all else. Please help my actions to reflect this truth. Guide my mind to focus on Your will and Your ways in all my interactions, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

A Call to Reflection: What Are Your Thoughts?

The invitation for  us to have a deeper consideration of how we navigate the  between setting healthy boundaries and living out the love of Christ. How do you discern when to step back and “let them” hold their views, and when are we called to actively engage with love and truth? Share your insights and experiences in the comments below. Let’s continue this conversation and support one another in living lives that authentically reflect God’s love.